One year on.......

Exactly one year ago I did something that was the bravest and biggest thing I’d ever done.

I knew it was coming, it had been coming for a while. A combination of events that had set me on a path where there was only one real option left for me. And then one day, on a Friday afternoon at work, mid-conversation, it became obvious that this was finally it. The end of the line. 

One year ago I handed in my notice at my workplace of almost 25 years. To leave my well paid job, to walk away from the place that I’d spent all my adult years, more than half my life, to leave behind so many wonderful people that I’d had the pleasure to know over those years.
To walk away from something that I was so very familiar with, that had taught me so much, and head straight into the unknown.
I had no plans, nothing in place for me to transfer to and I had no idea what the future would look like.

What I DID know was that it was time.
Time to stand up for what I believed in.
Time to draw a line in the sand and say “enough is enough”.
Time to put myself and my wellbeing first.
Time to put the most important people in my life before my job.
Time to be brave.

I had considered this day for so long, imagining my early retirement - never resigning as such (I always thought I’d be there until the bitter end!), and I always thought it would be the hardest thing I’d ever do.
I was wrong. It was strikingly easy.
That’s how I know it was right. 

One year on and I am so grateful that I made that decision. If I hadn’t I’m not sure what would have happened.
I DO know that my anxiety would be through the roof. I’d still be trying to hide my stress induced dry-reaching during meetings (gross I know, but true story) and running to the loo in case it became more.
I’d still be sitting in my car after I’d parked each morning, attempting to cover up the fact that tears had been streaming down my face just seconds before, trying to pluck up the courage to walk through the gate and up to my office with a smile on my face.
I’d still be trying to leave my stresses and anxiety at the work gates but failing miserably and losing my temper with my husband and children over the tiniest of things.
I’d still be trying to find that elusive balance of being the perfect wife, mother, employee, sister and friend.
I'd still be a dulled-down, empty version of myself.

I had no chance. I know that now and I knew it on the day I resigned.
Maybe you’ve got it all figured out - and more power to you! But I didn’t. I had no idea how I was supposed to fit in all my work, stay late, pick up my children from school on time instead of leaving them stranded in the rain, get to the school plays, cook dinner (heck, I couldn’t even manage to get any food in the cupboards!), let alone manage my own well-being. Something had to give and it was ME.

While you're busy fighting, the universe has this clever thing it does. It makes you re-evaluate. I know you’ve all done it at some time or another, because I know you've all had your fights. We realise that the most important things in life are our loved ones, our relationships, our health and our wellbeing.

We all KNOW this! It’s not new, but we continually ignore it. Why do we DO that??? Maybe it’s because we’re not brave enough, maybe we’re afraid of upsetting the status quo, maybe we feel the need to have everything laid out nicely. I don't know.

But what I will tell you friends, is that it’s cool to be brave.
It’s empowering to stand up for what you believe in.
It’s invigorating to take back control, to start putting first all the things and the people that are important to you. To actually find calm in your world.

Please don’t ever sell yourself short. If you are struggling only YOU can decide to make the change. If you’re unhappy you CAN find your happiness again. You just have to be brave.

YOU are worthy of happiness and peace.... every single ounce of me hopes you achieve it.
❤️